Everyday I find myself chasing the sun, not because I'm always in a hurry but because I had this little moments that I feel I haven't done enough for the day. Ever since I was little it may not have shown in my academics or in mostly things that I do but I tend to push myself to my limits. I make decisions and make sure to get the things I needed and wanted to do to make all things work. At some point in my life, I've gone through a tremendous change that I have learned to accept and deal with such things I have never planned of and have always dread to seek a validation from my Dad.
Sixteen years ago, I lost my Dad. Just like that, a blink of an eye, a snap of your fingers, a two minute phone call; hearing from the other line a crying, choking voice telling you, your Dad is gone. I have learned to accept the facts of it but every single day, I still mourn for him.
Every morning, when I drink my cup of coffee, I think of Dad when he was so thrilled then with all the new flavors of Nescafe.
Every Sunday meal when I take a bite of Mom's cooking, I think of Dad when he was always so dedicated to make his special dishes for us.
Every time my husband sends and fetch me to and from work, I think of Dad when my sister or my brothers or my Mom and I ride his motorcycle just to get in time to school.
I have quite some special moments with my Dad that I wish that it wasn't just memories now. I have so many points in my life that I wish he just stayed longer but it all happened for a reason. It may have been sixteen years without him but my Mom did such an amazing job in making us who we are now. Not to brag and all, but a lot have something to say with how I am doing an amazing job raising my lil girl. And I thank my Mom and my Dad for that.
Learning to accept that I was defeated by such things like I would never have known what my Dad would think, or if he approves of what I am and have done every single day, is like learning to love the sun setting.
It must have been why I loved sunsets because it always reminded me that at the end of the day, after all your shortcomings, all the deadlines you have missed, all the borrowed time you could never take back, there will always be a beautiful sun waiting for you to set and I thank God for that.
Year 2018 have been a roller coaster ride for me. I cried a lot this year for things I got sad and happy. I shared victory with my husband how my daughter have grown to be a witty kid. I learned and discovered many new things at work that only my Philtrust family could taught me. I shared so many memories with my family that are for that I am mostly grateful for this year, especially times when we were all together with our own little families in a deserted resort. Such a fun experience!
For all my shortcomings as a wife and as a mom, I wish to make up for it in 2019.
Year 2019, bring it on! We are so ready for you.
